Twat Wars...

Well, it most certainly has been a while since I did a proper update hasn't it. Since that time, Anakin has turned to the dark side, and two arseholes in Hemel Hempstead nearly killed themselves by impersonating Jedis/Siths.

Current Affairs!

Two people have been left with severe burns after their home-made Star Wars light sabre exploded and showered them in petrol. Mark Webb and Shelley Mandiville are thought to have filled a fluorescent tube with fuel to imitate the screen weapon.

Well, aren't you both a pair of complete and utter morons?

In other news, it seems the dark belly of the internet currently has a Robin Hood-esque situation on it's hands. News travelled fast yesterday, of a worldwide collection of hackers overcoming defenses on fake bank sites (used in 419/advanced fee fraud/fake cheque scams) and defacing them. The "Lad Wrecking Crew" are even offering wallpaper downloads for your PC of the banners they are replacing these fake bank sites with, and Netcraft have a little report on the current goings on.

I am currently totally whacked out skint, and have decided that drastic action needs to be put into place if I am ever going to get out of the red. Gonna limit myself to going out once a week, maybe one nice meal a month kind of thing, but no more silly bloody spending. I really wanna go on a decent holiday some time soon, and the only way I can afford it is to start behaving myself.

Today's Sport with Jockery McSoccery

Rugby is still going rather well, we had a team visit from Dover last week, and although I missed the game, we faired rather well against them on saturday, putting 7 or 8 tries past them to a reply of only one (so I am reliably told.) Training again tonight, and then the first leg of our playoff match to go up to the 1st division on Sunday against San Jeronimo in Seville.

Internationally, didn't the "Great" British and Irish Lions do well against the Puma's last night?! Ive always rated the Argies (putting behind us that little bit of discomfort during the year of my birth) and last night it showed why. They are one hell of a determined team, and if the Lions play like that down under, the All Blacks are gonna have a whale of a time walking all over them!

I had quite a good laugh at this earlier on, metal music genres described using a "Princess held captive by a firebreathing dragon" type analogy, have a chuckle:

HEAVY METAL:

The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and !&$%s the princess

GRIND METAL:

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

POWER METAL:

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest

TRASH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and !&$%s her....... easy and quick

FOLK METAL:

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess

VIKING METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves

DEATH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, !&$%s the princess and kills her, then leaves

BLACK METAL:

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess

GORE METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, !&$%s the princess and kills her....then he !&$%s again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, !&$%s the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and !&$%s it for the last time

DOOM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well

PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist

GLAM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color

INDUSTRIAL METAL:

The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

You must have seen Mr Tweety Bird on TV by now, if you haven't, you lucky [expletive]!!!! Some good willed Nazi, I mean German, displays my exact sentiments with this great little piece of artistry


So when can we expect to see an axe through that fucking crazy frog's (yes, that is a FAN CLUB!!) head?

Well, firstly, this tool deserves the axing:


Ladies and Gents, Boys and Girls, meet Daniel Malmedahl, 24, from Gotenberg, Sweden (I'm working on the rest of his address!!!) who, at the mere age of 17 thought it would be funny to record himself "ding ding dinging" on his PC, as a sort of "imitation" of his friends' 50cc mopeds... now, "Crazy Frog" has apparently earnt an estimated 10 million fricking quid for the company that bought the rights to the noise!!! Beware Mr Malmedahl, the end is fucking nigh!More Info!

On a final note, all donations to the Andy Needs A Holiday Fund more than welcome!!!